A Personal Account: Hope and Determination amidst Adversity
We often listen the stories of those, who had suffered either psychologically or physically to such an extent that life seems more bulky than hefty mountains for them. Although they tried to have patience, hope and determination to go on and on. Some may turn up with flying colours. The one who had suffered won’t let anyone suffer though. They contribute for the people by hook or by crook.
On that tragic day, when some army personnel went on beast mode and destroyed everything that they could. Hundreds of shops and houses were raised to ground by setting them ablaze. Many were either charred to death or gunned down. It all happened by courtesy of some earlier disorders between militants and army personnel.
Our house was also gutted. We used to live as joint household family. Everyone was in pain, weeping and screaming day in day out. Everything what we had, was destroyed in that fire. On and on we decided to get a rented bungalow until the house would be reconstructed. But one of my aunts occupied that piece of land and gave us a very little amount of money nearly 1 lac rupees. By dealing it out, we got thirty thousand, rest for my two uncles. The very little amount of money was spend by us in daily expenses. And by that we were falling into destitution.
In 1998, sometime after the seven years of massacre, I was born, after my two sisters and a brother. We were happily living yet in a rented bungalow until the news broke out like the bolt from the blue that my mother has shuffled off this mortal coil and left for the heavenly abode. I was mere two years old weeping and screaming day in day out. Unable to hold onto the fact that we are mortal creatures and have to die each day.
Meanwhile, my paternal aunt who was also raising low murmur of suffering on my mother’s death resembles exact to my mother. I jumped on her and restored a sort of calm. Since that day she took an oath to bring me up. Rest my siblings were also taken by my maternal grandma and maternal aunt.
My father acceded to their request and allowed them to have his children just for our happiness. He endured to live alone with his elder brother who got settled somehow. He didn’t marry himself but he kept on thinking for our happiness. He used to come to me once a week and was trying every possible way to distract my mind from the tragedy happened. Similarly he would visit my other siblings to console them.
Each and everyone of us had been suffering a lot ever since the massacre occured to the death of my mother. We couldn’t do anything without one another but we used to be patient. Patience to such extent that I used to go to bathroom to cry. I was always desiring of going to my father, sisters and brother and the moment when we used to meet altogether was really eid for all of us. We were celebrating and enjoying as much as we could. But when the time of separation would arrive we used to cry. I used to keep pared nails of my brother, outer covering of walnuts and small pebbles in my pocket so that I can see them at my paternal aunt’s home and get a calm. During departing I used to see through the window of the bus or Sumo towards my father until I finally nodded off in bus. I was dead inside and kept on thinking of them invariably.
In 2013, my maternal grandma who nurtured my elder brother and sister passed away.
During the whole journey I was provided everything by my paternal aunt. Although I was experiencing ample of things. On the one hand I was trying to get happiness on contrary I was dying inside in that my family.
Patience has always been on my side. I used to keep it as a source of resisting hardships. I never gave vent to what I suffered. Neither to my father nor my paternal aunt. I believe with hardships comes an unwavering determination to do something for oneself and for the people. I came to believe ups and downs are apt to happen to everyone, it’s hope we mustn’t lose. The particular flows from wherein I now believe each day I will turn out to be successful not only for myself but for the happiness of others.
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